My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
