it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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