I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
