I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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