so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
