i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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