Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
