So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
