we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
