go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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