YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
