i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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