I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
