she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
