wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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