i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
