the day after is always just damage control
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
