you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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