So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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