May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
