Don't make out with my wife yet
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
