Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
