I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
