they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
