you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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