Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
