careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize