Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize