Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
