i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
