Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
