Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
