glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
