Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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