It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I looked at my own cervix.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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