Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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