She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
