And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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