Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
