Only a mothe r could love this liver
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
