im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
