I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
