Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
