don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
