well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
whose ass print is on the piano?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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