so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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