The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
