I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
