i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
