so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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