Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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