You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Randomize
