There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
