So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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