I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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