Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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