i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
