yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You took a bar mat shot.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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