We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
