I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
