just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
