If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize