I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
