Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
