just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
