I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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