all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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