My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
