your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
