i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
