A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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