how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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