Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
