Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you never un-have a 4some
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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