How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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