Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
