i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
